Thoughts Of The Writer ( Part 8 )

There was this one time when I thought of getting internal peace but as the case that happened with me the other day, I was completely diverted from my path where I had even reached a form that was pure and divine but instead the opposite started happening with me and I was no longer in that state which could have given me something special but anyway. It is not right to put a question mark on my theories but what is there for me which is left to say. 

I can gladly say that word that ‘yes’ I am not even happy nor even sad but just the usual smiling face will have to do for such a thunderous storm to pass by. It has been a while since I wrote all this and now that I try to concentrate with full dedication towards achieving something or the other, there is somebody or the other who is at fault and who could be blamed for changing the aroma of my entire mind in just a few seconds as to be precise.

 It is not at all pleasant for me to do all such dirty tasks which in a real sense a layperson can do by himself or herself without needing any other labor force to pour energy on the task he has at hand. Even though a single person can do lots and even lots of work on his own but I prefer to stay outside this circle as I am not in such a position where I can be another part of this whole situation.

 I prefer to live my life my way but anyway there is nothing from this moment onwards that can be done by me as I am just a spectator who is watching from that side of the window where not even a single person tries to talk to me.

 I am quite fed up with communicating with myself all the time as it feels like there are empty walls all around me and even at times I feel like a stranger walking on an empty stomach as well as on an empty street all by myself. 

I have lost that young one in me who used to cherish every moment in me but anyway I am too old for having this chit - chat. I really do not know what the far future has got for me to do and even I have lost all directions and now there is nothing that can make me reach out to that dazzling moonlight.

 Every night I think about the different ways in which I can feel myself but unfortunately, I am standing right in the middle of nowhere where all that I can achieve is bad language and I am not liking it even a bit of it. Words are overflooded with such language upon me but even in the angriest of times, I resort to being much more silent in such situations. 

Anyway, on the other hand, being a YouTuber has given me an opportunity of blocking or report such persons as there is nothing much but a nuisance value for me and I like to avoid such persons wherever possible.